Musings for July: Have I just been running out of time?
"There is a fountain of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age." – Sophia Loren
FRIDAY, JULY 6
Does anyone else get weirdly emotional when looking at their baby pictures? For as long as I've been an adult, looking at photos of little me – like the one above – always results in me getting all choked up and misty-eyed. I have no scientific explanation but I have an idea why, and it's what I'll be talking about for this month's prompt: "Age".
Age really is a funny thing. I always ask my mom how crazy it must feel to have once held me as a tiny being and now here I am: standing on my own two legs, talking all these words, and paying all this rent. The passage of time is both slow and instantaneous all at once and as I grow older, the dull roar of "What have you accomplished?" starts to ramp up to a thunderous shout. It feels like just yesterday I was 18 and in college and had all this time left to do whatever it was I was going to do! Now, I have whiplash looking back at how quickly that time slipped away.
So, what have you done? Would "she" be happy with what you did with your time? Would "she" be proud?
"She" is young me. I think looking at baby pictures reminds me of a time when there were no obligations and I had no clue what was ahead. I was thrilled to just be small, irresponsible, and carried around everywhere. Maybe it worries me to look at "her" because "she" doesn't know about all the insane, insane things she's about to encounter in this world. Maybe I want to save "her" – tell "her" to stay small, stay there.
It is incredible how powerless we are against the forces of nature. 2010 was a great year, but I wasn't allowed to hang out there any longer than permitted. Switching high schools was so hard that I have almost no memories of my Junior year, but photos show that I lived it. It's crazy how time advances relentlessly – there really are no breaks in this damn car and it's going 90 MPH whether you're at the wheel or asleep in the back seat.
I think "she" would be happy with where "we" ended up.
I don't think "she" would believe me if I flew back to share what would become of "us" in 2002, when I was writing on every scrap of paper that crossed my path, in 2007, when I was making up stories about the young/hot/rich and posting it on chick-lit message boards, or even in 2014, when I graduated college and wondered what the hell I planned on doing that year.
We tend to think of age as a time limit and force milestones into life stages, a stress-inducing habit I'm trying to break. In NYC where everyone is a 27-year-old Creative Director, it's easy to forget that success and age do not have to be a packaged deal. Age is indeed a funny thing but today, I respect it, I embrace it, I welcome it. My personal hope is that "with growth will come clarity," but I think our Selected Speaker for July will have plenty to say about that concept.
I hope everyone had a great day off this week and plans to reclaim the weekend ahead with joy and excitement. I'll be sharing my personal ambitions each month so you can check those out below (Will she ever say "no" to a mango marg? Who knows!) and look out for the RSVP coming your way next Tuesday - talk soon!
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Spend less money.
Be prepared to see this as a frequent guest star. I'm trying to see if telling an entire host of people that I should do this will finally get me to stop whipping out that debit card at the mere sight of a fruity cocktail. Who wants to be my summer accountability partner but for, like, fiscal responsibility?
Leave the city.
When did everyone start planning their summer getaways and why wasn't I invited? If I see one more person headed to Spain without me, I'm going to book a flight to Barcelona and surprise them at the airport. Luckily, I've got a weekend at the Jersey Shore ahead so consider this one achieved.
I am what doctors call a "migraineur", so the fact that I spend so much time staring at a 4" x 5" rectangle of brilliant light has them looking at me like, "Girl." I've been thinking of getting one of those apps that say "turn off" at a certain time. But what if Cardi B has her baby!!!